” If the answer is something other than they give you support, love, motivation, inspiration, encouragement, laughter, or any other positive emotions or outcomes, ask yourself this: “How do I feel after I hang out with this person? If you’ve answered yes, it’s time to reassess the reason that you’re keeping this friendship alive. When you’ve had enough with the way you’re being treated or the lack of positivity you’re getting from a friend, it’s time to be honest with both yourself and the person in question. The way I dealt with cutting ties to people is through simply not talking to them anymore. I wish I had just been honest with these people instead of refused to take their phone calls.
” Do you feel drained, bad about yourself, doubtful, depressed, frustrated, scared, angry, or in any other way negative after most of your meetings? Know that friends will come and go, and that is natural. If I were on the other side of the equation, I would have been devastated. If I could take it back and do it again in the way I am going to suggest to you, I would.
Severing the ties with someone makes room for more positive people to come into your life, and allows you more time to nurture the true friendships you have. How I recommend you handle the situation is having the balls to voice your feelings to the friend you’re having trouble with. They could be completely unaware of the way they’re behaving or that it affects you negatively.
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This will take a load off your conscience, and may perhaps mend the relationship by bringing your concerns to light. I’ve gone out of my way to avoid it to the point that I’d just take it if someone was treating me disrespectfully or wasn’t taking me into account. A few years ago, I called up my ex-best-friend that I had stopped talking to a couple years prior, and apologized for abruptly ending the relationship without explanation.
If things don’t improve from your talk, then you’ve at least addressed it and given it a second chance. I see this as a flaw that keeps me in situations I don’t need to be in, and I owe much of my happiness this past year to the fact that I have gotten better at dealing with confrontation and communication. She accepted the apology and told me how much it had hurt her, and that she didn’t think our friendship could ever be the same.
This way, it’s not coming out of thin air for your friend, and it helps you ease into the transition as well. This tends to be the case when a member of your family is particularly draining or negative. I agreed, and I have come to terms with the fact that my screw-up wasted a solid relationship because I ended it for the wrong reasons.
Family is forever, but that doesn’t mean you need to let them hold you back from enjoying life! Make sure that the reasons you’re cutting ties are the right ones, and that it’s not a way to further isolate yourself or prove to yourself that you don’t deserve goodness in your life.
When this person calls to complain about their day, be clear at the start that you can only talk for 10 minutes, then you have to run. Avoid the coulda-woulda-shouldas- always talk to the other person before cutting her off completely.
When you go to work and see the girl that pressures you into happy hours, tell her you have other engagements and that you’re really cutting back on your alcohol consumption for health reasons. You’ll still see her at work, but now you won’t have to play the game outside of 9-5. THIS WEEK, I’M NOT CHALLENGING YOU TO FIRE YOUR FRIENDS.
I’M CHALLENGING YOU TO BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT WHAT’S KEEPING YOU FROM BEING HAPPY NOW. -Amy UPDATE from Amy: Thank you to everyone who has commented here!
Over the last year and a half, I have felt consistently happy. Sometimes, the best thing for you to do for yourself and your bliss is to sever a friendship that brings you down.
This is the longest stretch of happiness I have encountered since I was a child. I know this sounds harsh, but it is one of the key steps I’ve encountered on my way to finding happiness.
Over the same amount of time, I have cut a multitude of people out of my life that dragged me down in one way or another: energy-zappers, promoters of bad habits, judgmental janes, etc. There are benefits and drawbacks to firing your friends- I’ve found that I’ve felt more free after cutting the ties to some people, but I’ve felt regret and wished I could take it back in other cases. You choose to put yourself in that situation, and you will feed off whatever energy the relationship and other person provides. I’ve had friendships that I kept because I only wanted to see the good times, and was in denial that we didn’t have anything in common anymore.
Knowing when a friendship is bad for you and doing something about it can save you from years of misspent energy. I’ve maintained friendships that sucked the life out of me, but because this person had stuck with me through my hard times, I felt like I owed it to her to listen to her negativity and complaining… Being honest with yourself means looking at the friendship and asking, “Why am I still friends with this person?