If you try one technique and it falls flat, don’t just reach into your toolbox and try something else. This list of things to avoid doing will guide you in the right direction, but if you aren’t relaxed and gauging her body language and the way she is reacting to your come-ons, you’re going to go home alone tonight.
Just as important as knowing what to do in flirting and dating situations is knowing what not to do. Keep it nice and platonic; rest assured that if you play it right, you’ll get to the sexual touching later. No matter how much you swagger, she’ll be able to sense that you are unsure of yourself and lack confidence. So, remember, no matter how many tricks and techniques you learn, if you aren’t present in the moment, observing and connecting with her, you aren’t going to have any luck.
You can follow every piece of good advice you get about how to act around women, but if you just add those to your repertoire and don’t weed out things that are dragging you down, you’re not going to see much success. Don’t talk in depth about past relationships Mentioning your ex is okay if it’s applicable to the conversation but avoid getting into the past relationship conversation at all. If you can’t even summon up the confidence and self worth to approach an attractive woman to ask her on a date, you need to be working on your self image, learning to appreciate and value who you are, and taking a break from the dating scene. Don’t ignore her body language and reactions Barreling forward with your carefully planned flirtation strategy might make you feel truly prepared for once, but you’ll fail for one simple reason: Attraction is about both you AND her. Men who have a long history of failed flirtations sometimes grab onto what they believe will be miracle fixes.
By avoiding eye contact, you are giving up one of the oldest signs of confidence and even dominance. Looking her in the eye when you ask her questions and when she responds shows her that you are confident in yourself, that you’re truly interested in her and that you are a big enough man to engage emotionally. Don’t keep your hands to yourself While we’re taught that touching other people should only be done in intimate settings, friendly touch is a great way to portray confidence and connect with your prospective date. Tap her on the shoulder to emphasis a punch line or a compliment. Don’t devalue yourself If you go into the situation believing she is too good for you, you’ve already lost the game. Determine whether you came on too strong or didn’t portray enough confidence, or if you have offended her or simply not piqued her interest.
Don’t avoid eye contact Eye contact is the way humans connect.
Do you understand what went wrong in your last relationship? Can you identify what a healthy relationship needs to look like for you?
Give yourself the freedom of a little time and make sure your past is firmly in the past, along with the infamous “bitterness baggage,” before giving love a second chance. No, you don’t have to make every date a group date; just make sure you have good friends in your corner. Let the people nearest and dearest to you encourage and support you as you dive back into the dating game. Take a new class, get a new haircut, and eat healthier than ever.
You’ll need their shoulders to cry on, and their wisdom and listening ears to help you navigate this exciting new chapter. With the life changes you’ve gone through, make sure you’re taking the time to focus on you. Dress in a way that makes you feel good about what you see in the mirror.
Switch up your daily routine so you’re not stuck in past patterns and ruts by default, and choose to surround yourself with the people and things that inspire you.
It doesn’t matter how old you are or what your relationship history is, first dates are nerve-wracking.
Give yourself a pre-date pep talk, reminding yourself of the great qualities you have to offer. You might hear yourself saying the wrong things, or holding back in fear. Be patient, both with your dates and with yourself.
Stay positive, embrace the adventure, expect a few disappointments, and see your life as an unfolding story, one that will be worth telling. Keep an open mind, take a few deeps breaths, and go easy on yourself.